i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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