He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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