It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
