I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
only you would photoshop your dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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