My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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