I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
