That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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