grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
