just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
