exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
