he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
