I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
