wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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