I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
