I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
