I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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