Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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