Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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