life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
