Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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