Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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