She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
