we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
