i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
