I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
