i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
