so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
