I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
