We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
birth control should be required to get into college
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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