My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
