I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
