that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
