My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize