so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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