I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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