The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am mentally ready for anal.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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