would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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