Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
