so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
