Umm I'm too high to move.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
