I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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