You just made me feel so damn special
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is my gift to your gina
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
