Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
