they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
