Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
