im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
