I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
