His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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