Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In America we eat man semen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
