whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
