i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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