Umm I'm too high to move.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found your dick twin last night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The Olympian is in my bed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
