Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
