1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
