I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
