I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
