Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
There's even glitter on my cock...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
