hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I want to fling myself into the sun
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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