i love accidental penises.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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