i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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