dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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