Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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