she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
