he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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