So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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