why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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