the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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