He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've blown a few things in my day
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
