I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
