GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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