you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
