I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
