I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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