Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
