his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
