Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
